The CFB Degenerate's Newsletter: VP Releases His Stuffed Pig List for the 2024 Season
Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
- Sean Connery, actor
VP Gives Out Stuffed Pigs For Christmas
Pigs, welcome back. I hope you all enjoyed a relaxing and glutinous holiday period. Unfortunately, as the ‘second season’ of college football winds down, so too comes the close of the 2024 CFB campaign. The good news though is that my end of year awards list is now available.
I like to think that at least a significant portion of the FBS coaching population looks forward to receiving one of my stuffed pigs at the end of the year. In a previous era of CFB, coaches sought to make a bowl game, perhaps located in a warm location, and preferably win it.
In the new era of CFB, coaches (at least, this is what they tell me) seek to put forth a product on the field that is commensurate with receiving one of my festive stuffed pigs as part of their year-end bonus structure at season’s end.
I try to coordinate this arrangement with the ADs of said schools, but it doesn’t always work out perfectly. Evidently, winning and doling out huge volume to individual players aren’t necessarily linked. But this is beyond my pay grade.
Point being, the stuffed pig list isn’t necessarily a list of ‘good’ coaches from a winning perspective, but rather a list of coaches that made me, and many other CFFers, happy during the season. Some of the staples of this venerable list include the likes of PJ Fleck, of Minnesota, Texas’ Steve Sarkisian four seasons in a row (2020-2023), and of course, Kansas’ Lance Leipold received one of the fattest pigs ever delivered at season’s end of the 2020 campaign. Oklahoma State’s Mike Gundy tends to oscillate back and forth between the good and naughty lists. It’s simply in his nature.
So who made the list this year? Well, I’d be remiss if I started anywhere but the Boise State staff. RB1 Ashton Jeanty was the only runner to surpass 2000 yards this year, and also to receive over 300 carries (374, to be exact). I have no shame in saying that this performance brought a tear to my eye. I was this close to succumbing to the depressing notion that 300 carry tailbacks were a thing of the past entering this season.
Jeanty and those fucking degenerates in Idaho proved otherwise. Dirk Koetter and head coach Spencer Danielson each received a festive pig on their doorstep on Christmas Eve at the stroke of midnight. And it may interest the reader to know that both of these fine gentlemen reached out personally to thank me via phone call and told me that they thought of me every time they gave Jeanty his 30th carry in a game. It’s the special moments like these that make life worth living, am I right?
Next up is a first time entrant. A stuffed pig virgin if you will. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks but Iowa’s football staff continues to dazzle us with their innovation and ingenuity. Sure, OC Tim Lester was most likely the catalyst for the sudden change in offensive touch distribution (he’s a previous recipient of my pigs while at WMU in the 2010s), but I believe a round of applause is due for one Kirk Ferentz Sr.
First, my man fires his own son, then he makes a lethal hire via coach Lester who immediately installed an offence that produced a 1500 yard tailback. The crazy thing is the rushing usage wasn’t anything insane—240 carries for Kaleb Johnson—but it’s a marked improvement from anything Ferentz’ program had done in the last several years. It doesn’t hurt that KJ just looked fucking cool in that Iowa uni too. Each coach received a stuffed pig, but Lester’s pig was significantly larger. Ferentz is trending in the right direction though, and you love to see it.
Next up, we’re going back to some chalk here with the upper midwest’s maddest bastard—PJ Fleck. For the first time in what feels like a decade, Fleck’s RB1 made it through the year mostly unscathed. Of course, Taylor started the year banged up but he played in 12 games this season, and that’s good enough for me. Now some may look at the carries and push back on this entry. Fear not, the receiving usage (54 receptions) combined with the carries brings Taylor to a mouthwatering total of 259 touches on the season, or an average of 21.5 touches per contest. Atta boy PJ.
You might have heard me mention earlier that Jeanty was the only rusher to see more than 300 carries this year. However, he was not the only player to do so. Army—yes, the military school—saw its QB1, Bryson Dailey, hit 310 carries on the year. Jeff Monken’s offence produced one of the heaviest hitters at QB this year within the CFF context, and also produced some auxiliary players such as Noah Short and Kanye Udoh who each had their moments. Monken was shocked when he received his stuffed pig. There were some tears. He told me this was his proudest achievement in football to date. To which I told him “I know”.
Following Mr. Monken is someone who’s been on this list before but for a different position. FAU’s latest head coach Zach Kittley became famous in the CFF community in 2021 following a dynamite year of pass production via his QB and WRs, most notably the 5’8 wonder kid in the slot Jerreth Sterns, and the record breaking signal caller Bailey Zappe.
Well, his offence at Texas Tech in 2024 was very different. Both he and his former head coach, Joey McGuire, received one pig each this year because I believe both deserved credit. They recognized what they had in the backfield—and what they lacked at QB—and handed that thang off to Tahj ‘Mahal’ Brooks 286 times.
Had Brooksy played in all 13 games, he would have undoubtedly joined Jeanty in the 300 club this year. So close, yet so far. I broke protocol here and sent Brooksy his own stuffed pig along with a note telling him he’ll go down as one of my all time favourite CFB players. First ballot VP HoFer and it’s not even close.
As if this list of degenerate bastards wasn’t sick enough, a throwback name found its way into this esteemed group for the year 2024—one Rich Rodriguez of Jacksonville State. R-Rod moved on this offseason to WVU but the effects from his 2024 season will be felt for years to come. He broke his own tendency as of late of committees and fed Tre Stewart 279 times. This motherfucker Stewart was this close to hitting the 300 total touch club as he reeled in 17 receptions as well.
Kenny Dillingham rounds out the list of festive pig recipients for the RB group for his groundbreaking work with Cameron Skattebo in the year 2024. Skatt did it all for the Devils this year, and even struck a pose following a gnarly run vs. those Longhorn scumbags in the CFP (bonus point received). Skatt’s carry total (293) plus receiving (45 REC) puts him firmly in the 300 total touch club. Man, it’s exciting to see a young coach who just ‘get’s it’.
Hon. Mention: UNC’s staff, Gus Malzahn (previously at UCF), & ULM head coach Bryant Vincent for his respectable work with true freshman Ahmad Hardy.
Pass Catchers
Much like the running back group, there is a player here who demands our attention to start this thing off. Full time Bowling Green stud TE and part time MAC Daddy Harold Fannin had a historic year for the TE position. He actually finished with the most receptions on the year of any pass catcher, which is absolutely unreal. Head coach Scott Loeffler has never even been an honourable mention on this list, let alone an entrant—but this year, he received one of fattest pigs I had to give. I love the MAC and rewarding its coaches for good behaviour is just something that feels good.
Speaking of TEs, PSU’s Tyler Warren was sort of like the Cam Skattebo of that position. Warren did a little bit of everything; most notably a lot of receiving as he finished the year with the second most receptions at 104. Of course, he had a few extra games on those around him, but still an impressive outing and let’s face it, James Franklin isn’t ever going to win the big one, so think of this pig as a mercy offering to him and his staff at State College. Instead of a stuffed one, I sent Franklin a live pig, hoping that it would bring him good fortune. He asked me if it could complete forward passes. I told him no but it would bring him some bacon in the future.
Oddly enough, shortly after sending it out I received a disgruntled call from the head man himself, telling me that every time the pig cried it sounded like ‘1 and 15’. To which I told him he’s just getting paranoid. Unfortunately, not three weeks in he insisted on sending the pig back, to which I told him: “you were a borderline inclusion on this list anyways, wanker”.
Craig Stutzman, who I just love saying his name out loud, was a surefire inclusion on this list, and he received his pig with grace and humility. His WR1, Nick Nash, was phenomenal this year. At one point, I’m pretty sure he was on pace for 200 receptions. Things tapered off after the first month or so but he still finished leading the FBS in receptions for WRs. This one just feels right. The day that I make this list without an inclusion of a staff for a G5 WR will be the day that I stop writing about CFB. I pray it never comes to fruition.
Hon. Mention: Deion Sanders for his work with Travis Hunter & Mike Locksley for his innovative project that saw Taj Felton hit nearly 100 catches despite a generally poor product on the field.
Notable Coaching Movement
This week’s newsletter isn’t just about the stuffed pig list. No, we have some notable coaching changes to acknowledge as well:
Georgia State hired former NFL head coach Hue Jackson to be its OC. Jim Chaney steps down to the role of analyst.
Tulsa hired Tre Lamb from the FCS level to be its next head coach.
Jacksonville State hired former Alabama, Colorado and Auburn DC Charles Kelly.
Southern Alabama promoted WRs coach Paul Petrino to OC.
UNC will retain OC Freddie Kitchens in the same role.
Wake Forest is hiring Southern Alabama OC Rob Ezell to the position of OC.
Tulsa hired UConn OC Brad Robbins as their OC.
For previous coaching updates that are relevant to the CFF industry, see previous editions of this newsletter.
Notable FCS to FBS Transfer News
Speaking of Cam Skattebo, this past year was littered with former FCS studs dominating FBS stat sheets. Arkansas’ Andrew Armstrong and IU’s Elijah Sarratt were two WRs that had productive seasons. Pitt’s Desmond Reid was a superstar for the Panthers. And of course, I’m sure many remember Cody Schrader from a year ago.
Point being, the FCS to FBS pipeline is one you’ll want to keep an eye on:
Montana State RB Tre Humphrey is in the portal
Hutchinson C.C. RB Waymond Jordan committed to USC (#1 JuCo RB)
Abilene Christian QB Maverick McIvor committed to WKU
South Dakota State WR Griffin Wilde is in the portal
NC A&T RB Kenji Christian committed to Toledo
South Dakota State RBs Angel Johnson and Kirby Vorhees committed to WSU
UPenn RB Malachi Hosley committed to GT
WCU WR Zion Booker committed to Tulsa
Columbia WR Bryson Canty committed to Kansas
Shepard WR Cameron Dorner committed to UNT
APSU WR Javonie Gibson committed to OU
UT Chattanooga WR Javin Whatley committed to Arizona
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