The CFB Degenerate's Newsletter: A Changing of the Guard
The CFB Degenerate's Newsletter: A Changing of the Guard
Nothing endures but change.
- Heraclitus, philosopher
Pigs, welcome back. I like starting these off with some quick hitters, so once again, here are some nuggets to chew on before the main course:
ONE. After three weeks there is only one team averaging less than 20 seconds per play: Mississippi State. The three who averaged less than 20 seconds through two weeks: Pitt, ODU, and OKST, all remain in the top-10. Pitt has seen the most drastic shift in its offence with a difference of approximately six seconds per play from 2023.
FOUR. There are only four WRs with over 400 yards receiving, and two of them are SJSU’s Nick Nash and Maryland’s Tai Felton, who were undrafted in the majority of CFF leagues this year.
FIVE. There are currently five runners with over 60 carries, and one of those is Kaleb Johnson, who was listed as the RB3 on Iowa’s initial depth chart. The other four are Ollie Gordon, Cam Skattebo, Omarion Hampton, and Marquez Cooper.
SIX. QB Jalen Milroe is tied for fourth in the FBS for rushing TDs with six scores via the ground so far.
Now, I’m going to be honest with you, I’m dealing with an ailment currently and also wrestling with a serious case of writer’s block this week, so creating this one felt like pulling teeth. Blame the sunk cost fallacy for this email even hitting your inbox. You’ve been warned, now enter at your own risk…
Without further ado, let me now begin by first addressing the avocado-toast-eating elephant in the room: CFB is getting a six pack. It was announced last week that CFB’s latest realignment will add four former Mountain West Conference (MWC) programs to the PAC2, making it the PAC-6 (or 6 PAC) including Oregon State and Washington State.
The programs in question are: the Aztecs of San Diego State, a program that remains near and dear to my heart with its rich history of abnormal usage at the tailback position; Boise State, who might be the only other MWC program that can rival the Aztecs’ lineage of volume pig RBs; and finally Fresno State and Colorado State, who are each among the higher profile programs of the MWC currently. This move will be effective come the 2026 CFB season.
Further expansion is expected, and I personally would like to see the Six Pac add the Dakota, Montana, and Idaho programs from the FCS. Put simply: I just think it’s time to give the people what they want. Adding the Dakotas in particular would be helpful because it would probably aid with the PAC’s rebrand as a ‘not so soft’ conference anymore; a perception that plagued it’s previous construction.
Speaking of soft, how about Wake Forest opting out of their second leg against Ole Miss in 2025? This is highly unusual, and even more so for the Deacons to not address it publicly. I get that the Rebels are in a different place now than when these two teams probably scheduled this home-and-home series, but I’d say this is a relevant time to recall the sagacious words of the old MNF Swami, Chris “Boomer” Berman— C’MON MAN!!!
If I were to characterize Week 3 in one sentence, I’d say it was a changing of the guard, so to speak. Both of Texas’ major programs saw performances at QB that indicated each roster may be finishing the year with different starters than they began with. UM’s staff decided shortly after the Arkansas State catastrophe that they’ve seen enough, and will finally be transitioning to Alex ‘Hugh Heff’ Orji. NC State’s true freshman CJ Bailey will get the start in lieu of Grayson McCall’s injury. He’ll have a tough task going against Clemson as his first start, but if he looks good, this could be the last we’ve seen of Señor McCall. There are other QB situations in flux as well but I think you get the point.
Obviously the headline performance was that of Texas’ Arch Manning, and for good reason. What was most surprising of all to me was his speed in the open field. I think the visions of his uncle Peyton waddling around in those old Colt uniforms must have corrupted my impression of Arch’s athleticism in high school. The kid can clearly move.
And how’s this for a weird stat for you: Manning finished the day completing only nine passes (on 12 attempts), but scored four passing TDs, and scored another time on the ground on only three carries! Pretty impressive efficiency.
Speaking of notable freshman QB performances, A&M’s Marcell Reed looked like he was auditioning to play the main character in an Allen Iverson movie the way he was alleviating defenders of their ankles in the open field. Unlike the Longhorns, this situation actually does feel fluid as we head into SEC play. Reed was both composed and electric with the ball in his hands vs. the Gators, and while I don’t think the Aggie staff will abandon Weigman any time soon, the rope—I would imagine—just got tighter.
Lost in the shuffle of the two outstanding freshman QB performances was also the fact that yet another victim fell by the sword of the new and improved Mid American Conference. Let it be known that in the year of 2024, the MAC daddies are officially out for blood. Hide the women and children! No P4 program is safe I tell you!
Fortunately for me, I don’t have any near death experiences to share this week (see last week’s article). Nor any anecdotes with food to relate to CFB. My Saturday morning bike ride was exactly how I like it: peaceful, uneventful, and absent of any fledgling white women. However, the same could not be said about the events taking place on the gridiron later that evening. With a fresh pie in one hand, and the TV remote in another, I watched as my Dawgs found themselves in a barn fight late in the fourth quarter vs… Kentucky??
Given that the Wildcats are 1) a Basketball school and 2) struggled with a lowly South Carolina team the week prior, this performance left many detractors scratching their heads.
The day after this past Saturday, otherwise known as Sunday, I spent some time swimming in Lake Ontario. Whilst floating on my back in the water, bathing in the late summer sun like a solar panel soaking up every last drop of energy before winter sets in, I thought about what I’d say in this week’s recap.
Something that continues to perplex me is the fact that every year, there are still so many in the CFB space that are confused whenever teams struggle in games that the public thinks they shouldn't. Unfortunately, I fear that this is a result of the fact that the average CFB fan is not very smart. Not the VP readers, of course, I know my audience understands the nuances and intricacies of CFB.
Fans who find themselves confused by what they see on TV should look inward for their answers. You’re not the same person every day. Your performance at your job varies. You don’t prepare to the best of your abilities for every exam. Not every workout or run is a PR. It’s just human nature that you cannot be ‘on’ 100% of the time. Naturally when you’re watching athletics, particularly CFB, you’re going to see huge swings in performance of players and coaches.
Last week, Notre Dame lost to NIU. Alabama—despite what the box score told you—struggled with USF. And this week, UGA struggled with a Kentucky team that got run over by South Carolina the week prior. It doesn’t make any sense if you view the game through the lens of an NCAA video game, where every player shows up with a stagnant number that governs their performance. But the real world obviously isn’t like that.
In my humble opinion, the correct way to interpret information in CFB is not to judge teams on their worst performance, nor their best, but rather understand that the truth, like most things, probably lies somewhere in the middle. Nobody in their right mind would take NIU to win a 10-game series vs. ND. Kentucky probably isn’t as bad as they looked vs. South Carolina, nor as good as they looked vs. UGA. Ditto for UGA with UK and Clemson.
The non-intelligent CFB fan (read: non-VP reader) takes a single data point on a team, usually that team’s lowest point, and then holds onto their perception of that team for the rest of the season. That’s why you end up with so many people saying things like “they haven’t played anyone” when comparing teams later in the year. Because in their view, every FBS team that has lost a game, which will include most of the sport by mid-October, isn’t very good at football.
I thought Kentucky showed themselves well on Saturday. As soon as seemingly every Wildcat RB started bouncing more bodies than a Miami night club, I knew the Dawgs were in for a long night. That’s a situation of what I like to call “a team playing inspired football”. You know it when you see it.
VP’s Degenerate of the Week
Speaking of inspiration, I couldn’t help but pop a chubby on Saturday night when the Lane Train repeatedly and mercilessly pounded his RB1, Henry Parrish, into the Wake Forest defence with a level of force and veracity that awoke senses in my body that I didn’t even know I had.
Despite the fact that Ole Miss was effectively in control of the game from the moment ‘go’, my boy Parrish continued to get leaned on by the Rebels staff even in the fourth quarter of that game. That’s gangster. It was particularly appreciated by yours truly, and I imagine many others, at this stage in the season where we’ve seen many a CFF asset be removed at half time. I mean… when did CFB become overrun by fucking communists, am I right Lane?
The audio of this clip from Texas A&M QB Marcell Reed’s ankle breaking run is one of my favourites from the weekend. It’s also a near spot-on impression of the audio coming out of my mouth as I watched Henry Parrish continue to receive touches in the fourth quarter vs. Wake. ◾
Poll of the Week
In probably the weekend’s biggest matchup, the OU Sooners and Tennessee Vols play against each other for the first time since 2015, which was the second leg of a home-and-home series. OU won both legs in the mid 2010s. However, my personal opinion is that Tennessee will win comfortably this time around. What say you?
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